Is Laughter the Best Medicine? - The Role of Humour in our Relationships
When working on your relationship, laughter can go a long way. Maybe you’ve felt that hard convos are easier when they’re not too serious. There is science that might back your speculations.
You’re probably not going to couples counselling expecting to come out a stand-up comedian, but let my try to convince you why giggling might be your biggest ally for deeper connection.
How does this help the relationship?
“Humour is a valuable resource for the formation, maintenance, and success of a romantic relationship. The positive aspects of humour lead people to share their feelings of happiness, make the relationship with the partner easier, and help the expression of tenderness towards the partner. Humour also acts as a mechanism of coping and conflict resolution, or as a tool for forgiveness.” Turliuc et al., 2021
Not All Humour is Created Equal
We all laugh at different things. Do you and your partner find some of the same things funny?
Some humour types include:
Sarcasm - Saying the opposite of what is meant. Example: “I love going to the dentist”
Self-Deprecation - Making fun of oneself for the sake of jest. Example: “I’m not bad at cooking, but the fire alarm cheers every time I enter the kitchen”
Irony - The outcome that is the opposite of what is expected. Example: “The inside of his Porche was a complete mess”
Satire - Exaggeration of political / topical issues to make fun of flaws. Example: “The Onion News false, satirical news stories such as ‘Coworker Laid Off Soley For Performance-Related Reasons Warns AI Coming For Everyone”
Slapstick - Physical comedy. Think Mr. Bean or Tom and Jerry.
Pun / Wordplay - Based on wordplay or double meanings. Example: “I can’t stand Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves”
Ways to Introduce More Humour
If you weren’t sold before, you might now consider that laughing might bring more light into your relationship, but how do we do more of it? Especially when we are royally frustrated.
The first step to de-escalating tension in a relationship is to notice what is happening. Once you can label the moment as a “tense moment”, consider whether it is worth it to continue (often elevating the tension), or if it’s something you’d rather let go of. This moment of pause is crucial to self-awareness and the deliberate use of humour to follow.
Here are some fun ways to add humour to tense moments:
Only argue with foreheads touching
Only bring up difficult topics in an accent
Focus on timing - are you both ready to laugh about it?
It is important to note that serious topics require serious conversations. Humour is best used to add light to a situation, but not detract from the importance of the content. When working with clients as professional counsellors, we find that laughter can go a long way to deepening connection and humanizing each other. Adding tension has never made healing a relationship easier.
Everybody’s communication/humour style is different and it might take some trial and error to figure out what works for your relationship. If you’re interested in deepening your connection with your significant other, therapy can help!
