The Modern Loneliness Epidemic
Did you know that chronic loneliness has been linked to poorer health? Those that experience loneliness are more likely to develop cardiovascular disease, dementia and cognitive decline, and worsening anxiety and depressive symptoms.
The rate of loneliness has increased significantly the past years. In the United States, 43% of adults felt they lack companionship, 43% felt that their relationships are not meaningful, 43% felt isolated from others, and 39% no longer feel close to anyone (SIGNA, 2018).
I’ve worked at the crisis centre taking calls from those experiencing imminent crisis. One of the common threads for those suffering is that they felt they had nobody they could talk to about real and hard problems in their lives.
Why are our relationships getting more superficial?
Most of us have phones in our pockets. Reaching out has never been more convenient, yet people still feel alone.
One theory is that social media and virtual connection are just shallow whispers of the deep, complex interactions humans need to feel fulfilled. Face-to-face interactions get replaced with scrolling social media or interacting with AI. We feel like we are catching up with people, but in actuality we are seeing a mask without all of the substance of the wearer.
Social media mistaken for social fulfillment like getting drenched by the rain, never drinking the water and calling yourself hydrated.
We see the curated, perfect lives of those online and compare ourselves. We develop the belief that “good all the time” is somehow true for everybody and should be true for us too. In my opinion, we are more lonely because we reject the messiness and ugliness of reality.
When we are in the physical presence of others, it feels like a burden to be honest about life’s hardships. We have a decreased threshold for other people’s heaviness, we apologize for “trauma dumping” and perhaps we are hyperaware of how we are being perceived.
This is an invitation to reject the cultural norms of default “good”.
A call to Be More Real
When you can see yourself as perfectly imperfect, you increase your tolerance for other people’s shortcomings. In other words, if you can truly accept yourself as you are, it’s easier to extend that compassion outwards. This acceptance feels magnetic and it is a foundation for meaningful connection.
When people feel your authenticity, their authenticity is awakened and a deeper connection blooms.
I challenge you to have more real, in-person conversations.
Why does it feel so hard to connect authentically?
We can’t ignore the fact that being alone feels more socially safe in many ways. Nobody can reject us or dislike us if we never put ourselves out there. It is effortful to make plans, but for the sake of your physical and mental health, take the social risk.
To reduce loneliness, you can:
Make it a habit to socialize - weekly coffee/gym meetings/walks
Talk to somebody about the hard things
Join community or group events
Sit in a public place surrounded by others
Everybody’s socials needs are different, but it is important to tune in to what is real connection versus perceived connection. Do more of what makes you feel seen and cherished by others. Do more of what makes you fall in love with your messy humanity.
