Early Attachment Trauma

Written By Madeline .

Early attachment trauma (EAT) occurs when we are very small and our caregivers are unavailable, inconsistent, frightening or unsafe. Our first relationships with caregivers become the default for how we show up in adult relationships. Unfortunately if they were unsafe or painful, we grow up thinking this is normal.

Imagine a small toddler that has a parent that yells at them frequently for forgetting to remove their muddy boots. The child’s brain is still developing and translates the shouting as a negative reflection of their character. The child might internalize that they are “bad” or that yelling is a display of care. I’m sure you can imagine how this could be problematic as the toddler carries these beliefs into adulthood.

If we have learned that closeness is unsafe or inconsistent, it may show up as EAT symptoms.

Luckily you don’t have to live with these negative patterns and with proper support, you can reparent that younger part with unconditional love and safety. You don’t have to live feeling like there is something wrong with you or like there’s a hole in your heart that needs to be filled. You can be whole just as you are. It takes deliberate effort, but you can rewrite your story and free yourself from painful cycles.

For those that developed an avoidant attachment style, symptoms may look like:

  • Avoiding emotional closeness and vulnerability

  • Extreme independence

  • Fear of relying on others

  • Difficulty receiving compliments or care

  • Shutdown or freeze responses

  • Fatigue

  • Chronic tension

For those that developed an anxious attachment style, symptoms may look like:

  • Fear of abandonment

  • Hypervigilance / activated startle response

  • People-pleasing

  • Not knowing who you are

  • Little/no boundaries

  • Fatigue

  • Chronic tension

Are you ready to stop normalizing painful patterns?

We’re going to be super honest here: it’s not easy. You’re going to confront some uncomfortable truths that you may have been repressing. Whether you’re just getting curious or you’re ready to unearth some of the deep roots behind the negative behaviours, reach out.

Madeline .
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